Even if it Hurts
by TheDrunkenWerewolf
Summary: Gin struggles to be strong for Aizen after the revelations about the Voice and has a breakdown. Aizen provides comfort. Part of Heirverse series. Takes place a week after 'Hear My Prayer' (found in the 'Vulpecula' anthology). Should add a little context to Phase 3. Written by Timewaster123456789, edited by TheDrunkenWerewolf. Mild angst, hurt/comfort, fluffy-ish.


**Time's A/N: **I own nothing. Payment for my new avatar pic by TheDrunkenWerewolf. Takes place a week after 'Hear My Prayer'. Should add a little context to P3.

**Written to: **Even if it hurts by Sam Tinnesz.

**Wolfy a/n:** I just own this storyverse, Time wrote the fic, I just edited tiny things. Also Time is a gem because I don't know _what_ I was expecting but it certainly was NOT anything heirverse or heirverse related :) I love this so much thankyou for writing it and letting me post this you're the best *hugs and adjusts Time's Magneto helmet*

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**Even if it Hurts **

Gin rose from the bed he shared with Aizen and moved into the kitchen. The kitchen of the house he shared with Aizen. He poured a glass of water without turning on the light, he'd been in this house for decades after all, he knew where everything was. He drank and poured another glass, his hand was shaking. How many more surprises were there? After Momo he'd thought it was over, that they weathered everything they could handle, everything that Gin could handle. Now this?

Who was this Aizen? It was like he'd never known the man and everything he'd thought was real was just a mask...again. He sighed bowing his head as he leaned on the counter. It was like a contrived twist in some b-list spy movie and like some Bond-girl bimbo he kept falling for it.

The difference here was... that he'd gotten used to the lies, the games. He knew Aizen was a dangerous son of a bitch. One not to be messed with.

This voice through, it was a whole new thing. It seemed to have a genuine hold on Aizen, not the kind of 'hold' those Shinigami, mainly Yamamoto had, but some real leverage. Namely Gin himself. And it was dangerous, if Aizen's attack on him was anything like its normal MO. Moreover Aizen had seemed legitimately freaked, at least for a little while.

Gin drew a shaking breath, god. He was trying _so hard_ to be the strong one. He would stand by Aizen no matter what, hell, he'd promised he would. But goddamn he was scared. Anything that could freak Aizen out had to be bad - and then there was the Huecco Mundo thing.

He took a deep, trembling breath. But that wasn't what weighed on him. Huecco Mundo he could deal with.

But Aizen...

He didn't even know if Aizen _was_ Aizen. Who knew? Maybe not-Aizen was a lie and this was all some elaborate game, _again_. Or hell, maybe the Aizen he knew was actually not-Aizen, and his Aizen was just that scared, empty shell. Or didn't even exist at all.

He didn't know which was worse.

Gin took another shaky breath, choking back a sob as he sank to the floor, his back resting against the sink cabinets. He didn't think he could live if the last one was true. He felt trapped, he didn't know how to handle this shit! He'd wanted so long for Aizen to open up to him and now that he had, Gin was panicking.

Literally.

He tried to catch his breath and couldn't, and his pajamas clung to him from the sweat. It felt like he was about to have a panic attack. He felt like an idiot, especially considering that Aizen'd been dealing with this shit in silence for years, but his body didn't seem to care. That of course assumed that it'd even been Aizen.

He gave a broken little laugh. He would assume it was the real Aizen, he somehow didn't think the voice would _ever _be gentle with him and Aizen was, occasionally at least. When it counted.

God, he dragged in another breath as tears rolled slowly down his cheeks against his will. He had handled himself—sort of at least —after Momo but then he'd had hatred to drive him on, 'can't give 'im the satisfaction' after all. Also he hadn't had to worry about anyone but himself. He felt like a kid who'd begged for a pass in a game only to realize he had no idea what to do with the ball.

And the worst thing was he couldn't let Aizen know. It wasn't just that he had to be strong for his partner when it was clear he wasn't on top of his game. It wasn't even that he'd given his word or his pathetic desire, despite the lies and betrayals to prove himself and impress his lover.

No, it was that Aizen'd made it clear even on _that_ night that he was ready to ditch him if he thought Gin couldn't handle it.

He gasped for a breath and closed his eyes as he thought about that and their conversation the week before. Heart racing in his chest, bashing against his ribcage like a wild animal. Feeling like the walls were closing in on him, squashing him down, trapped, caged and frantic with no escape, none, not now not ever. And his chest was so tight and he couldn't breathe and-

"Gin? What the hell?"

Gin gave a start and looked up to see the man in question with worry plain in his eyes, to Gin at least.

_Shit._

Gin opened his mouth to try and find words. or just _a word. _But before he could, Aizen knelt and embraced him, and Gin sniffled and tried to stem the tide of tears, though it seemed to flow faster.

Aizen said nothing for a long while, just held him as he tried and mostly failed to stop weeping like a little girl.

"What happened?" Aizen asked gently as he stroked Gin's hair while Gin rested his chin on Aizen's shoulder.

"S'nothing jus'a bad dream. Sorry to worry ya'" Gin lied smoothly.

"Right, what was it about?" Aizen asked with just a hint of skepticism.

"Ah uh you know bout the voice I..." Gin took a breath. He was supposed to be strong, come on now. "I just wish I knew how to help you."

"Gin..." Aizen paused for a moment and Gin braced himself. "If I figure it out I'll let you know, otherwise don't worry."

"Don't worry!?" Gin yelped before realizing that wouldn't help. He changed tack, "You made it seem like kind of a big deal, I want to help."

Aizen winced.

"I know, I'm sorry. If I knew of anything you could do other than just being you," Aizen gave him a suggestive look. "I'd tell you."

"I'm serious," Gin growled and scrubbed at his face. Goddamn flatterer how was it even possible to blush while crying?

"So am I," he finished quietly, his eyes flicking around as though he were ashamed. Gin beamed. "You know I will do everything in my power to protect you..."

"Like Momo?" Gin cut in.

"Er perhaps not."

"Good."

"My point is that I can't guarantee anything, so if you're having second thoughts..." he said it calmly enough but even as depressed and confused as Gin was, he heard some sort of subtext.

"Told ya' I wanna be with ya. Don't worry I..." Gin's voice cracked and he continued in a whisper. "I can handle this. I just... I wish I knew more about the voice."

Aizen looked at Gin for a long moment and he was irrationally scared that he'd done something wrong.

Then Aizen crushed him to his chest and whispered in a rough voice, "There's nothing to know... if I figure anything out I'll let you know, otherwise... it's fine. Just keep doing what you're doing and I'm... sorry I put you in this position."

"Well… I'm sorry fer gettin' ya' shirt all wet..." Gin said with a weak smile.

"Sorry I made you cry, it seems like you're probably getting sick of that."

Gin made himself smirk, "Not if yer holding me li' tha'"

"I really should teach you to negotiate," Aizen teased, sounding put-upon.

"Like you taught meh to be cold 'earted?"

"Ugh, I tried,"

"Sure ya' did 'at's why ya kept me away from that guy ya' tortured."

"He was your friend."

"And that other guy..."

"He was your subordinate, it would have been suspicious"

"Righ'..." Gin teased. "Ya were'n protectin' me at _all."_

Aizen shrugged. "I figured I owed you that much..."

"And now I get to return the favor."

"I don't need protection, as I said you being you is more than enough."

Aizen was being Aizen again and happy, relieved tears welled in Gin's eyes. He was certain now that it was _his _Aizen. His confusion and doubts fading in the embrace.

And over the next year, the voice went from a constant worry at the back of his mind to nightmares and a bad memory.


End file.
